It’s a difficult and liberating time when you realize, the past will not repeat itself, when that past was full of uncertainty, adventures, and the fantastical dreams of the acting arena. What a life, performed, a spectacle for all to watch and review. But, now, after this pandemic has changed my life absolutely, I have found myself quickly, and softly, saying goodbye to acting.
There is a freedom in writing these words down, since I never thought I would be able to. I have discovered, that a life lived, is very different from a life performed. A performance is up for direction, notes, criticism, comments, and exists in a type of uncontrollable consequence space. Meaning: my life was not my own to dream for. Actors, we live for others: the role, the character, the future, the present is constantly changing. It is very similar to a life lived, but when the film, theater, or podcast piece is over, alas, we die. The life lived, dies. And where are we?
I love and respect all of the actors I have had the privilege of studying with, and all of the magical experiences I have had the honor to not only live, but survive. I have died many times during this lifetime.
Now, it is time to say goodbye, and not look back in anger, or regret, but with joy, and peace.
A life is to live, not to wait for. Adios a el pasado, gracias for ensenarme finalmente, que mi vida, es mia para vivir. I will write, and I put my words onto the page, as I do now, and not hope and dream for a chance, but write the stories, and as we wake up and get dressed, so will I, live my own life now.