This morning I found a breakthrough: in my breath.
I have begun doing cardio exercises on my afternoons, and in the mornings, I wake up and meditate for about fifteen minutes. In a beginners sense. I become distracted when my dog begs me to take him outside, or when I sneeze due to the incense I lit in the kitchen. But, it has begun a process within my heart.
My heart has been so locked up with fear, due to the politics of the past months, to the global outlook we face, Nature’s growing call to help her heal and, my own doubts and fears about my purpose in life. What am I supposed to do now?
This morning, quite suddenly, I began to breath, in the middle of the morning. And I listened to the guided meditation I have been using ( I highly recommend it, on Insight Timer), truly letting go of all the worries of the day. My job, money, the stock market, my body, and finally, my dreams and failures.
It hit me, like the softest punch thrown by my guardian angel: I am too hard on myself, I judge myself too harshly and, I need to begin healing before I am ready to give any new love and beauty into the world, be it through film, television, podcasts or writing stories. I need to love my dark shadows, and forgive myself. It is not an easy task, it appears like a magical fairy when you absolutely and completely let go of your ego, your anger, and pride in holding on to, what? Holding on to the past out of fear of the preset moment when we realize, we cannot control where our life goes. Only how we embrace the flow of the universe. Yes, this all hit me in a split second.
Tears streamed down my eyes as I kept breathing in and out, and my own thoughts swiftly disappeared, and I visualized the light coming into my heart. Healing her. Healing me.
I am finding joy, in this chaos called Earth. I only wish this means, we can all slowly, heal our hearts, come to peace and love for ourselves, and from here… we are truly a force of goodness for all of mankind.